Ungrateful Children

There's a saying that goes:
'tell me what you eat and i'll tell you what you are'.
Another good descriptive and accurate statement would be:
'show me how you and your parents live, and I'll tell you what you are'

If one takes a rapid but unconventional look at the current world situation, it could be concluded that raising a person is probably one of the most energy exhaustive and inefficient processes in the universe. How much do parents invest in their children? If 'investing' is the right word at all... is there any ROI with children? ... immense amounts of energy and thousands of dollars spent in nourishing, educating, caring, and raising children. White hair, stress, worries, and a good chunk of ones life spent in them.

And what for? This might very well be one of those interesting masochist sides of human nature... or are the big wrinkles around ones' cheeks, the laughs, smiles, and so many 'priceless' moments that bringing children to the world guarantee a parent, worth every penny and second spent with them?

It is a sign of mediocrity to demonstrate gratitude with moderation. For parents, keeping in mind all the economical, time consuming, physically demanding implications of raising a child, what is the rational point of raising a son that will maybe, just maybe, give them back a very small portion of what was given to him? And for the child, it is socially consented that it is a parent's duty to take care, nurture, and educate him for the sole reason that they are responsible for the child to exist; but isn't this enough of a reason to be grateful for? And while it's undeniable that at some point the child will gain independence and maybe later, start his own family, the very fact that they have reached this point of maturity implies so many years of effort and education imparted by a parent, that I wonder: how should a son or daughter show recognition and appreciation to them? How should their gratefulness be demonstrated?

You can consider raising a child as a 20-year-long experiment, that under the right conditions, circumstances, environment, teachings, education, information, acts, and examples, your child will come up as an educated, well-rounded, caring, and grateful being. And if this occurs, then my respect to you, successful parent. But frankly, I do not know many with these characteristics.

Think about this analogy: If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. If you feed, love, and raise a starving vulnerable baby, with time he might not only bite you and feel resentful towards you, but even more painfully, ignore you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man :P

Seriously, I truly see it everywhere, really everywhere, as a normal socially accepted behaviour for an adolescent to gain independence and see it as a state of liberation, an attained and conquered freedom, and most importantly, as if the adolescent has all the right to move away from his parents and gain the well deserved liberation... so that: 'Oh yeah, mom, dad, thank you for hmmm everything... i'll come by from time to time to visit you... maybe you can look after my kids once in a while?'

I mean, by no means I imply that a son or daughter should live with his / her parents indefinitely, but I do not find acceptable to move away with no dues to them and a clear conscience. For as true as it is that a baby arrives to the world vulnerable and with no chances of survival by its own means, reality shows that any person will need help in his latest years, when his life is fading away, and unfortunately, many do not receive a hand from those they helped so much in their earlier years. And even if this were the case and a father or mother is helped by a son in his / her last days of life, this is nothing in comparison, because to receive help when you are about to die is insignificant to the amount of help given during the +20-year process.

I believe this level of gratefulness very much depends on the social circumstances in which a child is raised. A young man or woman that has been raised in a well-off house with all their needs and non-needs fulfilled, or a house with uneducated parents who did not seem to deprive of pleasures – pleasures being relative to their culture, lifestyle, and ultimately, education - is much more prone to feel he is in all his right to walk away from home and start his own, personal, self-centered life.

On the contrary, a house with educated and/or socially sensible parents, or a single parent with not enough economic resources to fulfill his needs, or parents that despite the difficulties stay together and face their problems with great effort and sacrifice, parents who deprive themselves from comforts and 'pleasures' to meet their children's most basic needs, and most importantly, when and if their children realise their effort and abnegation, is, in my opinion, the key to strong bonds, united families, and grateful children.

Note that by educated parents I do not mean having a university degree, but education is a much broader concept, and there are the most varied ways of attaining it.

Am I being fair? I am sure everyone's situation is different and there's a very fine line here. I know many that seem to have a great relationship with their parents simply because all their needs are paid for by them... Is the son truly being grateful? Is he being grateful enough? Or will he be grateful enough? This is relative and directly proportional to the parent's level of expectation of gratefulness from the son. You might be a 50 year old parent and think 'naaah, i don't need their gratefulness, i'm doing pretty good'.. well, i guess you'll have to wait a few years until you really need help to see if your investment paid off...

If you have children but don't spend the necessary amount of time to design a few important lessons and / or programs they will have to go through --- intelligent decisions to shape and educate your children, to be respectful, have a broad understanding of the world, sensible to the human condition, well-rounded, and most importantly, grateful --- you are unintelligent, selfish and self-centered, or very irresponsible and disorganised with your time and assets in general, and you have probably made one of the worst mistakes of your life: you will have spent your money, priceless time, and a good chunk of your life in the failed project of raising a son. And unless you have a similar project in your life, one that demands not only money, but huge amounts of effort, time, and psychological ups and downs, raising a child is probably the biggest and most important experience, or project, most people will go through. Sadly, most fail in this endeavour.

Do not confuse me, I am going to have children, but I guess the question is what education will be imparted to them. Do I have a plan? Nope. You can't really plan the 'project' in detail. And this makes it even more exciting. You really have to kind of plan and improvise along the way... Someone once said: If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans. Well, I want to have children. Three. Maybe four. Why? Because the cycle of life or society considers to marry and have children transcendental acts for self-accomplishment?

...maybe :P but there's no way i could be writing all this if i would not already be thinking about the time i'll spend with them, and specially the lessons and education i want them to experience, so that I raise grateful children and i can retire at the age of 50 hehe :P

So why am i writing all this? Most importantly, because I just love my parents. And I believe that in moments of necessity, when I feel somewhat vulnerable, or not having the means to meet my needs, is when I question and set values and principles to govern the rest of my life, and this is the time I want to put my thoughts down in paper or engrave them in stone – one of the reasons of my blog –, and never derail from my principles set in moments of need.